Gravel Challenge

"I can't do that"

I am afraid of loose gravel and slipping on a slope. I sort of lose it. I don't want to fall. I do things I have learned: stick your butt out and make sure your heels hit first and walk like a duck. But I am still afraid.

My friend Aidan and I were in Santa Fe, and we went to visit another friend, Kim, who lives in Taos. She suggested we go for a swim in the Rio Grande. I love a fresh water, sand-free swim. Lakes and rivers are my delight; I like a broad rock. Kim calmly said, "Here is where we go down to the river," and I said, "I can't do that." I felt concise and clear. Aidan said, "I will help," which felt very different than "Yes, you can." I thought, "Ok. Let's go." And it was fine, and I bent my knees and Aidan held my hand. I walked down the mountain and nothing bad happened.

I lost my glasses in a dunk. No idea why I didn't take them off prior to dunking, but I do know I can quickly go into an eleven-year-old state, especially around water. I travel with a second pair of glasses in case I break a pair, and this trip I threw caution away and just brought the pair I had on—my tried and true pair. Kim was in the water with me post-dunk, and I said, "They are the only pair I have with me and they are $1,000," which is a slight exaggeration... Progressive lenses that transition to sunglasses with this and that coating are around $700. I have not bought them in a few years, so yeah, probably $1,000 now. Kim looked at me and said, "I am going to find them." She went under and said, "I have them." This is after a few floaters in kayaks went by us shaking their heads, muttering, "Did you lose something?"

We went for ice cream at a stand afterwards. I ordered chocolate with something in it. Funny, a week ago it was pure delight, and now it is just a cone and I can't remember the flavor of ice cream (I prefer a cake cone as opposed to sugar). In a day I tend to focus on the lists of things I don't accomplish, and this day felt like I could not help but consider what went right. These voices in my head are so redundant I can't believe how good I am at recycling them: "You did not get that list halfway done, you manage money poorly, you are old and out of shape, you definitely do not floss often enough."

Do you have any—any you are tired of that you want to switch the bins where you hold them from recycling to garbage? Share them with me, make an effort to kiss them goodbye or "not today" them.

darcyhopefarmer@gmail.com

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I made this for dinner in Santa Fe, we ate outside! Aidan made a salad and I made this. Dessert was cream cheese brownies with apricots baked in! As we were eating the casserole we asked what it needed, it was great but…. My friend suggested green peppers, I often bake them at 400 until charred and then into a paper bag, using tongs. When cool I carefully peel and seed them and put them in a glass jar with a little olive oil. I use Pasilla peppers because they are everywhere in San Francisco but any pepper will do. A roasted pepper or two added to this would take it somewhere good. And remember if this shared link is behind a paywall, email me and I will send you a printed copy in the mail

.Ok here are a few other musings. See you next week if this is where you get off.

Love from San Francisco, D